You buy a brand-new phone, revel in its speed for a week, and then—meh. That ho-hum feeling is hedonic adaptation (HA): the brain’s tendency to normalize any positive change. Now picture a marriage: early dates sparkle, wedding bells ring, and a few birthdays later you barely notice your partner packing your lunch while their forgotten text reply feels like a deliberate snub. Welcome to negative sentiment override (NSO), the cognitive filter that paints even neutral behavior in gloomy tones.

At first glance HA and NSO seem like separate beasts—one about pleasure fading, the other about negativity rising. In real life they’re often twin engines on the same downward slide. Here’s how they connect, how they quietly erode closeness, and what couples can do to stop the spiral.

Hedonic Adaptation: When Good Becomes Invisible

What it is - The dopamine rush of novelty inevitably levels out as your brain searches for newer stimuli (thanks, survival wiring). In relationships, that means first-date butterflies give way to familiar routines; gratitude for daily kindnesses shifts to silent expectation.

Why it matters - As positive moments fade into background noise, the “emotional bank account” Dr. John Gottman describes slowly empties. With fewer noticeable deposits, the impact of any withdrawal—a missed chore, a curt reply—feels larger.

Negative Sentiment Override: When Neutral Looks Negative

What it is - NSO occurs when accumulated disappointments create a mental filter that interprets ambiguous or even mildly positive acts as negative. Your partner’s distracted “uh-huh” registers as disinterest; a helpful suggestion sounds like criticism.

Why it matters - NSO isn’t just a mood; it’s a biased data processor. Every new interaction confirms the bleak narrative: They don’t care. They never help.

The Feedback Loop: How HA Feeds NSO

1. Positive signal loss. Hedonic adaptation mutes joy and gratitude, so the ratio of noticed positives to negatives skews downward.
2. Empty reservoir. With fewer fresh positive memories, each minor frustration hits harder—NSO’s soil is now fertile.
3. Selective attention. NSO filters focus on slights, further shrinking perceived positives and accelerating adaptation.
4. Confirmation bias. Every negative interpretation “proves” the depressing storyline, discouraging bids for connection that could refill the reservoir.

Left unchecked, the pair create a self-reinforcing cycle: dwindling appreciation fuels harsher interpretations, which in turn erase the remaining glimmers of novelty and warmth.

Breaking the Cycle: Four Research-Backed Moves

Bottom Line

Hedonic adaptation quietly turns dazzling love into wallpaper; negative sentiment override then repaints that wallpaper in shades of gray. Recognize the link, and you gain leverage: rekindle novelty to refill the positive bank, practice daily gratitude to keep credits visible, and repair swiftly so negative balance never gains compound interest. Do that consistently and your relationship won’t just avoid the spiral—it will keep surprising you in the best possible ways.