Psychology Today’s May 2022 cover asked a pointed question: How do we stop letting yesterday script tomorrow? The feature explored strategies for individuals—reframing trauma, envisioning a better future, and loosening the grip of grievance. But in a marriage or long-term partnership, the past is never just personal; it’s shared real estate that can nourish roots or choke new growth. Here’s how couples can apply the magazine’s key insights—backed by relationship science—to write a new chapter together.

1 | Name the Ghosts in the Room

Neuroscience shows that unprocessed memory fragments lodge in the amygdala and silently steer present reactions. A partner’s harmless sigh can trigger panic if it echoes a parent’s disapproval. Begin with “story swapping”: each partner spends ten minutes describing one unfinished narrative—an old betrayal, a career failure, a childhood wound. The goal is not problem-solving but witnessing. Studies on “expressive writing for two” reveal that shared narration lowers physiological stress markers and increases empathy within days.

2 | Shift From Blame to Meaning

The Psychology Today article emphasizes cognitive reappraisal—the skill of giving past pain a purpose. Couples can co-author meaning by asking, “What did that experience teach us about perseverance, boundaries, or compassion?” Research on post-traumatic growth shows that pairs who frame hardship as raw material for a joint mission (mentoring younger couples, advocating for mental-health access) report higher marital satisfaction than couples who merely try to “get over it.”

3 | Create Rituals of Release

Memory is sticky; it needs ceremony to loosen. Design a physical ritual: Write lingering regrets on paper, burn them in a backyard firepit, and plant a flower over the ashes. Rituals activate the brain’s default-mode network—the home of narrative identity—signaling that a chapter has closed. Even brief symbolic acts can drop cortisol and increase oxytocin, cementing the sense of “we did this together.”

4 | Move the Body to Free the Mind

Trauma researchers remind us that the body keeps the score. Couples yoga, synchronous walking, or dancing recalibrates the vagus nerve, moving both partners from threat to safety mode. In one study, couples who completed a six-week movement program showed a 30 percent boost in perceived intimacy and a significant drop in rumination scores.

5 | Inject Novel Purpose—Hedonic Adaptation’s Antidote

Making peace with the past is only half the equation; staying at peace requires forward momentum. Hedonic adaptation will dull even freshly minted harmony unless the pair invests in self-expanding activities: a language class, a joint service trip, or a playful couples challenge. Novelty re-ignites dopamine, ensuring the relationship’s new story feels exciting, not merely trauma-free.

6 | Use Faith or Core Values as Anchor

If spirituality is part of your lives, frame the healing journey as sacred work—“beauty from ashes,” as many traditions put it. Shared prayer or meditation links the prefrontal cortex (meaning) with subcortical calm centers, reinforcing commitment when old triggers flare.

The Take-Home

The past can serve as a foundation or a weight. Couples who witness each other’s history, reframe pain into purpose, and ritualize release don’t just avoid being “stuck”; they convert yesterday’s rubble into today’s building blocks. The May 2022 cover of Psychology Today reminds us that peace with the past is not a solo achievement—it’s a duet, scored for two hearts choosing to face backward together so they can drive forward unencumbered. At CoupleStrong we call that duet motivation (ignition), grit (engine), commitment (GPS), and—when you invite it—faith as premium fuel for the long, rewarding road ahead.