A CoupleStrong Blog

Inspired by Diana West’s work, adapted for CoupleStrong

In her thought-provoking book The Death of the Grown-Up, Diana West presents a cultural critique of modern Western society’s drift toward prolonged adolescence and the erosion of traditional adulthood. While her lens is primarily societal and political, the implications for marriage and intimate relationships are profound—and deeply relevant to couples seeking stronger, more intentional bonds.

At CoupleStrong, we believe that thriving relationships require more than love or attraction—they require emotional maturity. When one or both partners remain stuck in adolescent modes of thinking, communicating, or avoiding responsibility, the relationship begins to mirror the very crisis West describes: a world where grown-up behavior is absent, and important commitments begin to unravel.

The Problem of Perpetual Adolescence in Relationships

West argues that modern culture has glamorized youth and delayed the responsibilities of adulthood—emotionally, intellectually, and morally. In romantic relationships, this plays out in troubling ways:

• Avoidance of Conflict: Rather than confront hard conversations with maturity and care, one or both partners may stonewall, deflect, or ghost emotionally.
• Emotional Reactivity: Instead of regulating emotions and choosing healthy responses, some partners lash out, sulk, or seek escape through distractions—traits more akin to teenagers than emotionally responsible adults.
• Fear of Commitment: When adulthood is seen as a trap rather than a privilege, long-term commitment becomes something to fear or delay rather than embrace.

The result? A dynamic where couples cohabitate but don’t grow, where intimacy becomes performative rather than authentic, and where relationships are built on sand rather than stone.

Choosing Grown-Up Love

To "grow up" in a relationship doesn't mean becoming rigid, joyless, or authoritarian. It means choosing to act with clarity, courage, and care—even when it's hard. Emotionally mature couples demonstrate:

• Accountability: Owning mistakes without defensiveness.
• Self-Regulation: Managing impulses and anger without inflicting emotional damage.
• Delayed Gratification: Prioritizing long-term relational health over short-term emotional wins.
• Purposeful Communication: Speaking the truth in love, even when it’s uncomfortable.

These are the building blocks of trust, intimacy, and safety—the very foundation of a lasting bond.

Grown-Ups Don't Ghost—They Repair

One of the most overlooked marks of maturity is the ability to repair after a rupture. Immature partners avoid repair or pretend everything is fine. But mature partners step into the discomfort of reconnection. They say, “I was wrong. I hurt you. How can we rebuild?”

This is not weakness—it’s strength. It’s what real adults do. And in love, it’s what distinguishes emotionally safe relationships from emotionally chaotic ones.

Becoming CoupleStrong: Growing Up Together

At CoupleStrong, we believe couples flourish when both individuals commit to emotional growth. That means healing old wounds, taking ownership of behavior, and doing the hard—but beautiful—work of adulthood together.

If West is right that the death of the grown-up is costing us culturally, then reviving emotional maturity in relationships may be one of the most subversive, powerful acts a couple can undertake.

So ask yourselves:

• Am I showing up as the best version of myself?
• Am I choosing responsibility over blame?
• Are we growing up—together?

If not, don’t despair. Growth is always possible. Maturity is not a fixed trait—it’s a commitment. And the reward is a relationship built on depth, dignity, and enduring love.

Want to take the next step toward emotional maturity in your relationship?

Explore our Couples Tracks, sign up for a challenge, or join our Couples Notes daily text series for bite-sized inspiration delivered to your phone.

#CoupleStrong #EmotionalMaturity #GrowUpTogether