A CoupleStrong Blog

Nick Bostrom’s Superintelligence explores a fascinating—and sometimes frightening—question: What happens when machines become smarter than humans? But behind the algorithms and thought experiments lies a bigger idea that couples can learn from: what does it mean to think beyond the present… and make intelligent choices that shape the future?

At CoupleStrong, we help couples develop emotional intelligence and long-term thinking in their relationships. If Bostrom is concerned with how future-mindedness could save humanity, we ask: Can future-mindedness help save your marriage? The answer is yes—and here’s how.

1. Future-Proofing Your Relationship

In Superintelligence, Bostrom warns that if we don’t align AI with human values now, we may lose control later. The same is true in relationships: if you don’t align your relationship with shared values early on, disconnection will grow over time.

Ask yourselves:

• Are we aligned in how we handle conflict, money, parenting, and intimacy?
• Do we know each other’s core values—and honor them?
• Are we making decisions today that protect our connection tomorrow?

Future-proofing love means proactively creating the kind of relationship you’ll want to be in five, ten, or twenty years from now—not just reacting to what’s in front of you today.

2. Intelligence Isn’t Just IQ—It’s EQ

Bostrom’s book dives into intellectual brilliance. But what about emotional intelligence, or EQ? In relationships, emotional intelligence is often more predictive of success than logic or knowledge.

Building EQ as a couple means:

• Listening before defending
• Naming emotions instead of blaming
• Regulating your own reactions
• Offering empathy even when you’re frustrated

The smartest couples are the ones who can self-reflect, course-correct, and reconnect, over and over again.

3. Avoid the “Unfriendly Intelligence” Trap

Bostrom warns that a powerful AI system without proper alignment could act in destructive ways—even without malice. In relationships, this is what happens when partners become hyper-efficient problem solvers but emotionally disconnected people.

Think about it:

• Do you fix problems quickly—but ignore feelings?
• Do you “optimize” your household but leave no time for intimacy?
• Do you speak with logic but rarely with softness?

Don’t let your love become efficient but unfriendly. True relational intelligence means pairing action with warmth and strategy with compassion.

4. Use Feedback Loops to Evolve

One of Bostrom’s key ideas is the concept of recursive self-improvement—systems that learn, adapt, and upgrade themselves. Sound familiar? It’s what great couples do.

Strong couples:

• Regularly check in emotionally
• Ask what’s working and what’s not
• Stay curious about each other
• Adjust their communication over time

Want to become a “superintelligent” couple? Build rituals that allow you to grow through feedback—not fights.

Try this: Set a weekly 15-minute check-in. Ask:

• What’s been good for us this week?
• What do we want to improve?
• How can I love you better next week?

5. Don’t Let Outside Forces Program Your Relationship

In Superintelligence, one of the biggest concerns is control—who designs the AI, and how it’s trained. Relationships work the same way: If you don’t define your relationship, the world will do it for you.

• Don’t let social media define what love should look like.
• Don’t let your past relationships program your future ones.
• Don’t let busyness write your love story.

Be the architect of your relationship. Set intentions. Build systems. Reflect. Upgrade. Repeat.

Final Thought: Choose to Love Intelligently

While Bostrom’s work may not have been written for couples, the lessons are clear: thinking intelligently, planning ahead, and aligning values are essential to survival—not just for civilization, but for your relationship.

At CoupleStrong, we help couples move from reactive to intentional. From emotionally overwhelmed to emotionally intelligent. From autopilot to design mode.

Your relationship doesn’t need artificial intelligence.

It needs authentic intelligence.

Choose love. Design it. Strengthen it. Future-proof it.

#CoupleStrong #RelationalIntelligence #FutureProofLove #SuperintelligentLove #EmotionalIntelligence #RelationshipDesign #CouplesThatThinkTogetherStayTogether