Seeing Through Each Other’s Eyes: Symbolic Interactionism in Relationships

A CoupleStrong Blog

Every couple has its own unique “language” — a set of shared words, gestures, and meanings that make sense to them but might not to anyone else. It’s the inside jokes, the pet names, the subtle glance across the room that says, “I’m ready to leave the party.” These patterns are at the heart of a sociological and psychological framework called Symbolic Interactionism — and understanding it can transform the way you relate to each other.

Symbolic Interactionism is the idea that the way we understand the world — and each other — is shaped through the meanings we attach to symbols, and those meanings are built through interaction. In relationships, a “symbol” isn’t just a physical object; it can be a phrase, a tone of voice, a shared ritual, or even a facial expression. Over time, couples develop a system of shared meanings that becomes the shorthand for their relationship.

The challenge is that meanings aren’t fixed — they are personal and often shaped by our upbringing, culture, and past experiences. One partner may see a raised voice as passion, while the other sees it as anger. A missed phone call might mean nothing to one person but signal rejection to another. This is where misunderstandings often arise: we assume our partner attaches the same meaning to an action that we do, when in reality, their interpretation may be entirely different.

The beauty of Symbolic Interactionism in couples work is that it reminds us to slow down and check our interpretations. Instead of reacting automatically, we can pause and ask, “When you said that, what did you mean?” or “When I do this, how do you take it?” These questions open the door to discovering — and reshaping — the meanings that drive our reactions.

Healthy relationships thrive when couples are intentional about the symbols they create together. Maybe you have a special handshake, a Sunday morning coffee ritual, or a phrase you use to diffuse tension. These shared meanings become emotional anchors, reminding you of your connection even during conflict. And when harmful or hurtful meanings have formed — like associating silence with disapproval — Symbolic Interactionism gives couples a way to rewrite that script through new, positive interactions.

At CoupleStrong, we believe the strongest relationships are built not just on love, but on a shared understanding of what love looks like in action. By becoming more aware of the symbols you and your partner exchange — and the meanings you both attach to them — you can bridge misunderstandings, deepen trust, and create a relationship language that is uniquely yours.

Your challenge this week: Choose one recurring behavior in your relationship and talk about what it means to each of you. You might be surprised at what you learn — and how much closer it brings you.