A CoupleStrong Blog Inspired by Dr. William Doherty’s “Helping Couples on the Brink of Divorce”

Every couple hits rough patches. But what happens when those rough patches start to feel permanent? When you're not just fighting more—but wondering whether to stay married at all?

In Helping Couples on the Brink of Divorce, Dr. William Doherty introduces a groundbreaking approach called Discernment Counseling—a structured, short-term process for couples where one or both partners are unsure whether they want to repair the relationship or walk away. At CoupleStrong, we believe this work is vital because too often couples are pushed to either reconcile immediately or file for divorce without truly understanding what went wrong—or what’s still possible.

The Ambivalence Crisis: One Foot In, One Foot Out

Doherty’s work centers around what he calls “mixed-agenda couples.” One partner—the “leaning out” spouse—is unsure the marriage can be saved. The other—the “leaning in” spouse—wants to fix things but feels powerless.

Sound familiar?

This ambivalence is incredibly common, but rarely addressed with clarity. Many couples rush into traditional counseling when what they really need is a safe space to ask:

• What happened to us?
• Is there enough of a foundation to rebuild?
• Have we really tried everything?

Discernment counseling isn’t about fixing the marriage right away. It’s about slowing down, getting clear, and making a conscious decision about the future—with eyes wide open.

A Third Path: Not Just Divorce or Therapy

Too often couples feel trapped between two extremes:

1. Go straight to divorce.
2. Pretend everything can go back to normal.

But what if there’s a third path? A path that gives you room to breathe, time to reflect, and tools to decide together what comes next?

Doherty’s approach invites couples to consider three paths:

• Status Quo: Keep things as they are (which rarely works for long).
• Separation/Divorce: End the relationship.
• Six-Month Commitment to Rebuild: Both partners commit fully to trying—with therapy, intention, and effort—before making a final decision.

This third option gives couples the dignity of a real attempt at change—or a thoughtful ending without regret.

What Discernment Counseling Teaches Couples

Here’s what couples often learn during this process:

• How each partner contributed to the breakdown of the relationship.
• That blame isn’t the same as accountability.
• That clarity is a gift—even if it’s hard-won.
• That emotional safety is the first step toward rebuilding (or letting go well).

And most importantly, they learn that ambivalence is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign that something important is still unfolding—and deserves to be honored with care, not haste.

When You're Not Sure Anymore

If you’re reading this and your marriage feels like it’s hanging by a thread, you’re not alone. Whether you’re leaning in or leaning out, what you need isn’t judgment—it’s guidance.

At CoupleStrong, we help couples navigate this exact terrain. Our Couples in Crisis Track, challenges, and video resources are designed not just to help couples stay together—but to help them know whether staying together is truly right.

Because your relationship deserves more than drifting apart or diving in without direction. It deserves clarity. It deserves courage. It deserves a path.

Not sure what’s next in your relationship?

Explore our Couples in Crisis Track, take a relationship assessment, or sign up for Couples Notes to receive daily insights—designed to guide you gently toward clarity, connection, or closure.

#CoupleStrong #DiscernmentCounseling #MarriageOnTheBrink #StayOrGo #ClarityBeforeClosure