A CoupleStrong Blog Inspired by Dr. Slattery’s “Good Sex”

In a world saturated with distorted messages about sexuality, it’s no surprise that many couples struggle to connect intimately in a way that feels both passionate and emotionally present. Good Sex: Getting Off Without Checking Out by Dr. Slattery is a bold, research-informed invitation to reimagine sex—not as performance, escape, or obligation, but as connection. Deep, conscious, emotionally embodied connection.

At CoupleStrong, we believe that good sex is about more than chemistry. It’s about showing up—fully—and being seen, known, and loved in the most vulnerable of ways. Slattery’s book reminds us that the best sex is not just physical—it’s psychological, spiritual, and relational.

The Real Problem: Disconnected Sex

Dr. Slattery addresses something most couples experience but rarely name: disconnected sex. This is when one or both partners are physically present but emotionally elsewhere. The body might be involved, but the mind is checked out. There may be climax—but no closeness. Activity—but no intimacy.

Disconnected sex can look like:

• Going through the motions out of duty or pressure.
• Using fantasy to escape rather than enhance shared experience.
• Hiding emotional needs out of fear of rejection or judgment.
• Confusing intensity with intimacy.

While these dynamics may be common, they aren’t healthy. And over time, they can erode trust, deepen disconnection, and turn sex into a source of confusion or even pain.

What Is “Good Sex,” Really?

In contrast, good sex—as defined by Dr. Slattery—is integrated. It’s:

• Mutual: Both partners feel safe, valued, and involved.
• Present: You’re not checking out mentally or emotionally.
• Honest: There's space for vulnerability, not just physicality.
• Attuned: You’re aware of each other’s cues, comfort levels, and needs.
• Whole-person oriented: It engages body, heart, and mind.

She encourages couples to explore not only what feels good physically, but what feels good emotionally and relationally. Because true intimacy can’t be faked—and it shouldn’t be feared.

From Avoidance to Engagement

Many couples avoid talking about sex because they fear shame, rejection, or conflict. But silence is a breeding ground for unmet expectations. Good Sex calls couples to courageously step into those conversations—to ask:

• What does sex mean to each of us?
• What fears or past wounds shape our sexual connection?
• What does “intimacy” actually look like in our bedroom?

At CoupleStrong, we teach that talking about sex is one of the most intimate things a couple can do. It builds trust, expands connection, and opens the door to transformation—not just in the bedroom, but in every part of the relationship.

A Call to Conscious Intimacy

Dr. Slattery’s most powerful message may be this: you can experience pleasure without abandoning yourself. Good sex doesn’t require perfection, performance, or pornified ideals. It requires presence, curiosity, and mutual safety.

And here’s the truth—we’re not born knowing how to do that. We learn. Together.

That’s what CoupleStrong is here for. To help couples unlearn shame-based scripts and co-create a sexual relationship that is authentic, connected, and affirming.

 

Want to reignite intimacy with your partner—from a place of presence and trust?

Explore our Couples Sexuality Track, take a relationship assessment, or join our Couples Notes for daily insights on connection, communication, and intimacy that lasts.

 

#CoupleStrong #GoodSex #IntimateConnection #WholePersonIntimacy #SexualWellness #RelationalSafety