Relationships tend to be easy when they start because an abundance of chemicals are pouring through your system. It's what scientists call the "Love Cocktail. Communication is easy because you overlook your partner's flaws. As time goes on relationships move from "Romantic Love" to the "Power Struggle." At this point, communication heads south as your partner's flaws take front and center. It's at this point all the predictors of relationship demise storm through a relationship like a hurricane coming ashore.

From a communication perspective, there are a few things you can do. I've outlined them below.

• • Reduce the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Dr. John Gottman discovered these in the famous "Love Lab." They consist of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Here are the cures: Soft Startup cures criticism. Share fondness and admiration to cure contempt. Accept responsibility to ward off defensiveness and learn to self-soothe as a means to escape stonewalling. Remember, the Four Horsemen predict relationship failure with 94% accuracy, so it's important to learn the antidotes and implement them.

• • Work on your friendship. This is much easier than you think. Here are a few very simple ways to accomplish the task. First, consistently ask your partner questions to learn more about them and, in particular, their inner world. Second, look for the good in your partner and your relationship and speak it. Third, turn toward your partner in the small things of life. For example, if you're texting and your partner speaks to you, stop speaking and engage them. If you're watching TV and your spouse speaks to you, pause the TV and speak to them. I think you get the idea. These three things are actually the framework of friendship.

• • Accept influence from your partner. This simply means giving your spouses opinions the same weight and value as your own. This doesn't mean you always take your opinion. It simply means you're going to take a serious look at it and dialogue about it.

• • Learn to self-soothe. Couples typically get triggered and begin to escalate. This makes things much worse. What needs to happen is 30 minutes of self-soothing. The next time you feel yourself getting angry tell your partner you need 30 minutes. During that 30- minute cool-down period, read something without ceasing. This will help to keep your frontal lobes working and allow enough time for the adrenaline and cortisol to pass through your kidneys and into your bladder where they will no longer have any effect.

• • Share your life dreams. Everyone has life dreams, and your spouse is one of them. Take time to get to know your partner's dreams and help them to accomplish them.

If you do these five things and participate in them regularly, your relationship will "feel" positive. A positive attitude toward your partner and the relationship will help to enhance your communication and your relationship as a whole.

Chris Cambas, LMFT, Certified Gottman Therapist & Trainer, Relationship Expert, Co-Founder of CoupleStrong
CEO of National Marriage Seminars & The Practice Startup.